break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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