True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
