Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
