just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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