i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
