have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
