Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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