I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
