If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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