I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
