I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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