just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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