K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
