Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
