she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
