3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My cat gives me a boner
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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