what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
