Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
