Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
