? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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