proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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