What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
