Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
