If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
