im drinking this country out of the recession.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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