I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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