I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
