I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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