I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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