I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
