Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
