U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I will die if light touches me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
