your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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