She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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