At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
