You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
