Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
