I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
