Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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