forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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