I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
