There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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