I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
