I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
