i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize