I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
even my farts smell like vagina
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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