Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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