Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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