remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
