too bad you live with your parents still
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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