Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
