I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
birth control should be required to get into college
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just high enough for therapy.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
