Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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