you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
