My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
