She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
