I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
