Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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