I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize