You really coming over, don't trick.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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