What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
that's an acceptable place to lick
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
