She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
