doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
