Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize