how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
